Ballet Fun

A little bit of ballet dance,

A little bit of dancy prance,

A little bit of prancy run,

A little bit of ballet fun.

A drop of music in the air,

A lot of colour everywhere,

A leaping hop, a graceful flop,

The ballet’s in the atmosphere.

For Tess

Silent Speakers Sit Close in the Dark

Silent speakers sit close in the dark, on

Cold damp stone steps a gulf apart.

Shadows of figures slink past,

Oblivious to silent speakers in the dark

Chill air soaks through their skin,

The night runs wild, gleefully tantalising.

She feels lost, empty- back to where they've been,

His touch soaks through her chill skin

Drops of sadness falling from the skies,

The loneliness that couldn't fall from their eyes

She’s dry; an aching dry pain, there feeling aching dry rain.

The cry of despair is trapped inside,

Punching at rebounding walls-

She can’t escape and the angel falls.

Give me Strength

I am a Warrior. A Queen.

I stand here today to lead a battle for what is mine.

To guide a revolution for ev-ery child.

I thought I was broken but I’ve always had the strength,

Let’s get this job done, I’m here to represent!

My conquests to date are just a bit of proof,

That if you mess with me, I will hit the roof.

I have been accused of slander and treason,

But my voice is loud and I scream “it’s reason!”

You used sorcery and cunning; a traitor to commit a crime,

Oh stupid imbecile! You picked wrong this time.

I fought through the doubt and the social condition,

My mind is stronger than the poison and infiltration.

Don’t be fooled by the burns on my skin,

They’re not a sign of weakness but a fire from within.

My conviction rages on, gathering speed and support,

You’d be a fool to fight with me, with all the battles I have fought.

You are the weak, the coward, the detested.

I am the truth that rules the contested.

I am a Warrior. A Queen.

You’ll see that in my heart, in my eyes, my dream.

For my best friend. 2013

The Speed Feeling

It’s like the oxymoronic sensation of a

spinning top. Triggered

                by one

                determined

                snap of the fingers and it sets

                                you spinning

                                                fast and

                                                dizzy

yet so clear and steady

                externally cruising across

                                the surface with such peace and

                                                precision, yet all

                                                the time

                                                wildly

                                fast. One pin prick

                of a point away

                from losing touch

one pinnacle of pressure keeping

                                surroundings a blur.

                                                How

Long does this last? Until a blip. A fall.
                A Stillness

Until the fingers snap again.

Addicted

I just wanna live on the wild side,

Flying where the birds fly.

High in the ganja trees

Stuffy air and hazy memories

Whirling laughs make the glue of this dancing cocktail

Bottles clink and swish and I’m hooked.

Hollow breaths and I inhale strongly,

Clouded dreams spin around me,

Silky smoke swirl lingers

Warmth of a paper bud pressed between my fingers

Chatter of comforting voices I know well, morph

My eyes glass over as my mind is lulled.

When you’ve had the bud,

You don’t wanna hear the beating thud of all my crud.

Slide into a state of bliss and miss all of this

Waiting for a passing kiss.

Hanging on, you can’t avoid the throng

Of others passing it along.

Or just sit there alone on the end of an empty phone

Line. It all passing by like the end of time

What a way to unwind

Feel the razor blade tense against my skin

Scratch to set free and I’ll let y’ in.

If when the trickle flows

You watch it run, catch it before it goes.

The dizzy dark room closes in around me, Blinded,

My fingertips find you and together we’re safe.

The devil brings you glee,

You bring the devil out in me, chuck it away finally.

Kill engraved on my flesh, in dried red- it’s the best.

Nah you don’t wanna forget

Beautiful like art, contemporaries tear it

Apart, not like Kocoschka

He drew my psychological portrait it was fate

For debate my life on the line

Drop by some time, why don’t you?

2005

On Our Floor

My night was great.

Feeling peckish though. I decide

that warm toast and melted butter will be nice.

In goes the cheap bread,

I’m hopeful anyway. perfect setting and it will be just how I like it.

Then I see

Cardboard crust.

It’s lying there on our floor,

Accompanied by yellowing lettuce and

Drying tuna

Sticking to the bowl.

Other islands of meal debris linger on our floor

like puss filled spots

eminent and erupting

over the surface of your face, on our floor.

It was there when I left

And it is there now

This display of rot and decay

Teasing, tormenting, tearing my patience

No milk.

It’s not like my expectations are high.

I will not give in though. Someone has to break first.

It will not be me.  

I’ll flick on the kettle. Chamomile tea is what I need; Tranquility and warmth.

Butter. It’s out already. My butter. The lid is off and across it a knife

Lurks, hour old grease, crumbs clinging on for life

Mold is life.

It’s too much. Flick. Off goes

The kettle, just like the aerated and abandoned scoff.

The toast lays forgotten, to join in the degeneration of

Our floor.

She

I’m biting my lip to keep from crying
Holding back the tears of fear of anger, frustration
Constantly fighting with the people that make them
The pain in my throat is tightening from trying
To push down the sick like a kick to the core
The answers aren’t good enough; I go in for more.
This is the problem, what I see now
These are the things for which I didn’t allow:
Ideals shattered by family incest, deluded shit stirrers that thought they knew best
Childhood secrets of abuse, perverted vicars and alcohol misuse
Mental breakdowns and social collapse, self-harm of the arm and then relapse.
Confusions of truths of what went on, one person talks and the normality’s gone

My friend was abused by her father the priest

You don’t think of stuff like that of Surrey, the south east.
No wait what am I saying? You don’t think of stuff like that in a church
A friendly community or worse
A religion that professes to love and do good,
When what they do is not what they should.
The hypocrisy and lies is what forced her to cut ties
With the evil there but that meant her friends too.
“I won’t come down, there’s a lot of chance-
I’ll bump into someone else who’ll ask,
’where’ve you been what’s been going on?’”
When behind that friendly facade they knew all along.
Or had their own ideas at least
As to what when on with the family of the priest.
They speculate about adultery, divorce and who hates who
“I heard she was a witch” said the bitch at number thirty two.
 
The distance she’d come shrank more and more
Then the places we’d meet became obscure.
A greasy café here and there-we’d have to find a new street
To meet as the paranoia increased.
I wasn’t allowed to know the place she called home
It was a secret from her friends and family, to keep her alone.

We spent money to make us feel better, had a bottle of wine over dinner

And with barriers broken, talking without tension knew we were onto a winner.
So we sourced out a local that had in its heart
The best intentions for us, to return to the dark
And drink by the river until we struggled to deliver
Ideas from the mind in the head into speech of the mouth
But anyway we laughed all the sadness out.
As the red liquid drained and the night became cold my thoughts grew bold
To say things I’d told myself not to say in case it came out the wrong way.
Confusion came nearer and life became clearer; where was my friend? Why had she changed?
This whole situation fucking sucks it’s deranged!
But at least we kept in touch when she felt good
I asked up on her like a friend should.
It was all going okay given the circumstance
Until I got that call from the police asking to give evidence.
It wasn’t my friend’s fault! I was the first she’d told
Been an eye witness to some of that old
Perverted man’s thoughts and desires like how he’d taught her
His own daughter, to use a vibrator
Stuff like that which I’d kept an account of.
All she wanted was as much collaborative proof as could be
To fuck her father up for eternity
So for that she came to me. She came to me a friend in need.
Knowing still how she felt alone
I sent one last text and deleted her from my phone.

I took her of that social networking site, that one that everyone made a fuss about when it did a mass conversion from an old interface to a new where now each user has to have a massive photo and one little extra one and things are now put into chronological order and you wonder profusely how suddenly pictures from when you were 12 and had caterpillars for eye brows and teeth like a piranha and was fatter than that boy in your class that farted a lot with his arm fat  got on there- you know, that one that rhymes with basefook?

 

I just broke as I am hurting too and have no one to talk to who can understand, first hand.

No one to tell me where my friend has gone
No one to explain to me what’s going on.
No one to say it’s ok and when she’ll be back.
Who is this alien that has replaced her? No one to tell me that.   
This girl who covers herself in holes and ink
And ignores me most of the time until I’m on the brink
Of insanity, eyes wide in the blind silent room.
 
I'm biting my lip to keep from crying
Holding back the tears of fear of anger, frustration
Constantly fighting with the people that make them
The pain in my throat is tightening from trying
To push down the sick like a kick to the core
The answers aren’t good enough; I go in for more.
This is the problem, what I see now
These are the things for which I didn’t allow:
Ideals shattered by family incest, deluded shit stirrers that thought they knew best
Childhood secrets of abuse, perverted vicars and alcohol misuse
Mental breakdowns and social collapse, self-harm of the arm and then relapse.
Confusions of truths of what went on, one person talks and the normality’s gone.

For my friend 2013

 

 

Spitting My Pain

The cold and sleep normally get me real bad/ they bite and fight at me until I’ve just about had/ enough of this shit/ I’m not used to this/ getting caught up in bliss/ and it crashing down like this/ with no control or understanding/ I swear and shout down the phone at him

Why again and why now?/ this is the third fucking time that you’ve backed out/ don’t back down/ don’t mess me around/ you’re in it for real or just get the fuck out/ I hate you now, you get that man I said I hate you now

How does it feel to have it confirmed/ that once you’ve gone that’s my happiness burned/you knew me before what’s got in to your head/ that you can get me to bed and leave me for dead/ ‘coz emotionally that’s where I stand/ shocked and cold, cold inside/ I refuse to cry/ you bastard you let me die

Sitting up late and I’m/ contemplating/ my mind is racing/ and my thoughts debating/ how could you have taken this so seriously/ going out with me was just curiosity/ but you know what they say, it killed the cat/ he has nine fucking lives they didn’t think about that/ So one more try? no fucking way/ you hear that man fucking go away!

Its always the same you go away to this Christian crap/ and when you get back you reject me like that/ a click of the fingers and you think its all done/ woosh-a-bop-doo and look she’s gone

You say I make it hard for you/ but look man, what do you wanna pursue/ ‘coz what you said was true was a fucking lie/ thirty one months of a fucking lie/ and I told my friends ‘I trust this guy’

Hollow within these canvas walls/writing and rhyming to heal my soul/ I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in the cold and dark, alone and numb/ but I don’t find it frightening / with this biting and fighting/ they’re not getting through no they’re getting through/ ‘coz all I wanna do is scream/ fuck you!

 

2006

 

 

Guinness in the glass

Scurry scurry
Busy busy
Speedy, fast
Rushing past
People in the middle, it’s told by the fiddle
Guinness in the glass

 

The music plays
Fiddles blaze
Feet tapping
Fingers clapping
Bows dancing
Folks prancing
People in the middle, it’s told by the fiddle
Guinness in the glass.

 

For my infatuation 2008

Bare

 

I want to write some good shit
Maybe something controversial
Something universal But why write
About religion or something that’s got too much to it
And I don’t know enough about it to do it.
All I need is some inspiration,
Escape from social suffocation, 
The condemning eyes of this nation
Ironic that people expect expectation.

So the stakes are rising,

When it comes to the buzz no one’s compromising
They pretend they can cope, but what I see
Is the level of stress is over riding
Personal relationships and what really matters
Substituting love for things that shatter
Human emotions 'coz that’s what I'm on
I guess what I'm trying to say is

We should strip the veneer

Make what people care about clear
It's easy to pretend that you're interested in
Politics and shit- we're scared to be condemned
For thinking about ourselves, what's here and what's now
“Lets think about the world”
Stories we’ve been told
But who cares about that when your mind’s grown old
What’s important then,
What you’re interested in
Is something deeper, steeper, that which is weaker
Dilutes the mind so you believe it’s okay t’
Present a front of superficial concerns
Get caught up in a life that’s not your own
It’s like hiding away from the matter at hand
The one on your doorstep not in a different land
Where the problems are things you don’t understand.

So the stakes are rising,

When it comes to the buzz no one’s compromising
They pretend they can cope, but what I see
Is the level of stress is over riding
Personal relationships and what really matters
Substituting love for things that shatter
Human emotions 'coz that’s what I'm on
I guess what I'm trying to say is

If people did what they have to do

Tell someone that they don’t hate you
Show a little care to help ’em through
They’ll pass the love around the world
It will shoot and bounce around the world
Make a trip to flip and tip right and wrong

Then you’ve done the job with one stone

Kept your nearest and dearest fearless of what they’ll miss

With your quest to top the best, forgetting about the rest

What you gunna do when you’ve got it all to lose

When you’ve hit the top, think you’re a big shot

In time you’ll feel alone, looking back at what’s gone

On around, stuff that’s on the ground, not in the clouds

That’s where you’ve been and where are you now?

 

So the stakes are rising,

When it comes to the buzz no one’s compromising

They pretend they can cope, but what I see

Is the level of stress is over riding

Personal relationships and what really matters

Substituting love for things that shatter

Human emotions 'coz that’s what I'm on

I guess what I'm trying to say is

Stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paper People

Papers flying

People dying

Are you trying?

They are trying

Keyboards clicking

Time is ticking

Smoke is thickening

Someone’s sickening

Pile it on, the stress is back

Don’t cut slack the stress is back

Waiting for it, get right to it

Who’s that screaming?

Are they dreaming?

NOOOOOOO!

It’s all about the people

We are paper people

We are paper people

We are paper people

Machines humming

People stumbling

They are humbling

Are you humbling?

Pavements hectic

Wounds gone septic

We accept it

They can’t let it

Bring it on, the fight is back

Don’t cut slack the fight is back

Waiting for it, get right to it

They are dreaming

Why’re they screaming?

AAAAAAAAH!

It’s all about the people

We are paper people

We are paper people

We are paper people

It’s all about the people

 

March ‘06

All Of You

Wired up to electrical impulses

Distancing you from the world

You’re deaf, unresponsive

Eyes glazed, apathetically dazed.

Buzz de beep doop bodu

Beep beep awakened from your sleep

Thumb twitches

Communicating without speaking

Another beep and you’re back to sleeping

 

Occasionally flashes of light from

The screen fall across your face

You’re gone. Unresponsive

Ears glazed, otherwise engaged.

Hello? Hi. Hi Hello?

Nudge nudge, why won’t you budge?

Sucked into a world that isn’t ours

Still plenty of guns, fighting and fast cars

 

Look at that clique with important things to say

All talk and no interaction

You’re dumb, unresponsive

In a crowd, not singled out.

Hang on a sec, can I put you on hold?

Natter natter surrounded by chatter

A rush of conversational clash

As we hold phones to our heads turning to mush.

 

To touch type is the only type of touch

Networking now has another meaning

You’re numb, unresponsive

Expression bland, to the brush of a hand

Oi oi poke me back!

Pinch punch first of the month

Spending time in a chat room full of people

Physically alone do you get to meet at all?

 

Just look at what the world has become,

Orally blind and audibly numb.

 

Completed 2013 longest running poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The ladybird and the caterpillar

Go forth and embrace the world

On this sunny, sunny day!

Skip and dance around the trees

Where the insects come out to play:

The ladybird lands on the leaf,

The ants scurry up the tree,

The caterpillar bares his teeth,

Munching on his tea.

“Hey! That’s my leaf you’re eating there!”

Says the ladybird to that back full of hair

But the caterpillar couldn’t hear

And really bugs don’t talk;
You should remember this, my dear,
When going for your walk.

For Corinne 2008

How well do you know the person you sleep with?

How well do you know the person you sleep with, eat with, greet me
Once in a while, once with a smile, twice if I’m nice and thrice if you like.
We used to kiss, maybe on the cheek, most on the lips what did I miss
Out on something that’s happened to change? Something rearranged
Whilst I was asleep on my side of the bed, toe to toe -head to head.
Curled up on the window side, the place that you decide
is best for me.
Into slide, out of sleep, perfect for shh- not a peep! I’m trying to sleep!

Even if what I feel is degradable, separable, delectable, sexual, invisible
To you that I sleep with, eat with and don’t even greet me
with a slap on the bum, give me one! Just for fun, come on hun! What’s become
Of our playful nature?
Hate me?
Hate cha.

Kiss me, chase me, push me and embrace me

The best I get is in my dreams
Curled up on the window side, the place that you decide
is best for me
Into slide, out of sleep, perfect for shh- not a peep! I’m trying to sleep!

This is when I realise the reality of our demise, tear drops fall from my eyes
And soak the cotton that sleeps our lives
Words unsaid, as feelings die
Feelings dead, this is the reality of our bed.

2013